There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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