my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
