dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm really busy with my period
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