Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
