Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
But break dance skills will only take you so far
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
