Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Who died my cat blue again?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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