So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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