Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
