I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
