dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
we made out on top of his cat.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
