He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
