imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
