You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
