Cold hands, warm shart.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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