1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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