Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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