She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
