I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
