So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
