Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
