first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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