If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
