doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
