I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
