While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
