Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
