If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
