I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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