First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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