There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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