I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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