Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
