god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
