I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
