i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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