Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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