I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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