but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
