you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
