i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
