hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
