You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
