Will you blow on my dice?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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