if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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