It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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