you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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