Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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