should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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