no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
