To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
