So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm sobbing to NWA
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
