Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Boobs speak an international language.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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