Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
