I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
