our cab driver is having phone sex.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
