I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
