I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
