Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
