Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
