And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
