Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
