He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
