HIV tests are more positive than that guy
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
