She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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