remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
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so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
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A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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