He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
