I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
