i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
