He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
