She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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