R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
