It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just cropdusted the office
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
