yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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