I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
