if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
