you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
