omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
